When caught up in negative or unhelpful thinking, it can be hard as a teen to know what to do with these thoughts. This simple approach and bonus downloadable activity sheet shows how to send unkind ideas back and invite in more supportive ones.
When was the last time you returned something? Perhaps you ordered an item online, then decided it wasn’t what you wanted and sent it back. Maybe you were given a gift you had no use for and decided to exchange it. Or you might have received a message that wasn’t intended for you and sent a text in reply to explain the mix-up.
Returning things is something people do every day – and you can do the same with your thoughts. If your brain presents you with something negative, critical, or unhelpful, try sending it back and asking for something better.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR INNER DIALOGUE
Did you know that the average person has more than 60,000 thoughts every day? Some of them are important, but most are repetitive, and some won’t even make much sense. This inner chatter is completely normal – it’s called self-talk, and everybody does it.
Trish Blackwell, from the US, is a confidence coach and founder of The College of Confidence. When she works with young people, she likes to explain that ‘the person you will talk to the most throughout your life is yourself, so you might as well make it a good conversation.’
Trish says it can be helpful to imagine thoughts as trains or buses, and your mind as the station. It’s a busy station, with thousands of vehicles arriving every hour, so you can’t get on all of them.
‘You can check whether a thought is useful to you in the same way that you would check the destination of a train or bus before getting onto it,’ she says. ‘It might be going in the wrong direction. Your thoughts will arrive and leave your mind, and it’s OK to take a step back and just wave to them as they pass.’
FILTERING OUT UNHELPFUL THOUGHTS
Every day, your brain will present you with some thoughts that don’t serve you well. They might be negative, untrue, or based on worries or things that other people have told you. Realising that you don’t have to hold onto these thoughts is powerful and can be life changing.
This is because the thoughts you choose to keep will affect how you feel, which, in turn, influences how you live your life. Trish says that one of the best things you can do for yourself is to learn how to pay attention to what’s going on inside your head. ‘I call it mental hygiene, and it’s a bit like brushing your teeth – you need to do it every day,’ she says. ‘Everyone has bad thoughts sometimes. It’s part of the experience of being human.’
You might find that some of your unwanted thoughts repeat themselves or keep coming back when you send them away. This is also normal – researchers think that around 90 percent of people’s thoughts are repetitions.
CHOOSING A KINDER REPLACEMENT
Sending a thought back can take effort, but it’s well worth it because you’re making space for something better. It’s important, however, to think about what you want to replace it with. Your new thought needs to be something that’s believable and helpful to you. For example, thinking ‘I’m going to fail this test’ isn’t useful, but equally ‘I’m going to pass this test’ might not be believable, depending on how ready you feel. Instead, you could try replacing it with: ‘I’m well prepared for this test and I’m going to do my best, then be OK with whatever happens next.’
MINDFUL WAYS TO SORT THROUGH POSTS
Managing your mind is something you can do whenever you get a thought that you don’t like – and the best part is that nobody has to know you’re doing it. You can simply tell yourself that you reject that thought and ask your brain for something better.
If you have more time or want to tackle an unpleasant thought that won’t go away, however, you could pick up a pen and paper and come up with some great alternatives (if you get stuck, try using our prompts, overleaf). You could also write down an unwanted thought on a piece of paper and then cross it out with a red pen. You could even write ‘Return to sender’ beside it.
💖 Next time you have an unwelcome thought, try this bonus Teen Breathe downloadable activity to work through triggering thoughts 💖
WORDS: Jade Beecroft
This article was originally published under the title Return to Sender in Issue 48 – From the Heart. You can get this issue here to enjoy more mindful inspiration.
