Understanding the factors behind a lack of confidence is a great way to start building it up. Explore how uncovering these hidden barriers can help you reconnect with your strengths.
Many people struggle with confidence. You’ve probably heard about a range of different ways to help yourself feel more self-assured, from power posing to positive thinking.
While it’s great to get some techniques under your belt that can help build confidence, have you ever thought about what might be making you doubt yourself in the first place? Understanding these underlying causes can be a useful first step to truly believing in yourself.
HOW PERFECTIONISM AFFECTS CONFIDENCE
Marianne Trent, a clinical psychologist, says confidence can be knocked by aiming too high. She says that perfectionism can be a barrier to confidence because the brain will compare your capabilities to others, finding examples of people who you assume are more skilled or funnier, for example.
‘It can conjure up all sorts of wild and wonderful possibilities and outcomes that hold us back from putting ourselves out there and having a go at things,’ she adds.
Let’s say you have a presentation to prepare for class. Do you worry about all the little ways in which you could fall short? Perhaps you imagine that your voice will shake or that you’ll stumble over your words or miss an important point.
You might find yourself thinking about classmates who seem great at presentations and convince yourself that you’ll never be as good as them. These are signs that it might be perfectionism that’s influencing how confident you feel.
WHEN NEGATIVE THOUGHTS HOLD YOU BACK
WHEN NEGATIVE THOUGHTS HOLD YOU BACK‘Self-limiting beliefs often take the form of thoughts about not being good enough,’ says Marianne, ‘and they can keep us wedded to the idea that it would be better not to try, for fear of what might happen or what others might say.’
This kind of thinking can make you believe you simply aren’t capable of something, even if others around you are encouraging or there’s proof that, actually, you can do it.
WHY PAST EXPERIENCES CAN UNDERMIND CONFIDENCE
Lacking faith in yourself can also come from having struggled with something once before. ‘It’s all part of our threat-response systems,’ says Marianne.
‘Previous negative experiences can impact our confidence because our brains store negative or traumatic experiences and then pattern-match by reminding us of them when things might feel even remotely similar.’
If you have a bad memory of something, for example, you might begin to associate similar experiences with this. Let’s say you tripped over while on stage during a school play – now, any time you think about performing again or getting up in class to give a speech, your mind automatically jumps back to that upsetting moment.
This can link to social anxiety, too. So, if you once felt extra nervous before going to a party, you might find yourself with similar worries next time you get an invitation.
STEPS TOWARDS FEELING MORE CONFIDENT
Thinking through these root causes and pinpointing what’s affecting your confidence is sometimes all you need to be able to start moving forward.
Low confidence can be difficult to experience, and you may find it helpful to get support. ‘Speaking to a trusted friend or adult, your GP, or school counsellor can be a really good idea in helping you begin to make changes in the things that are keeping you stuck,’ says Marianne.
‘It might be that some journalling is enough,’ she adds, where you keep a record of your thoughts and how you feel in certain circumstances.
Remember, true confidence isn’t about trying to be someone who never feels nervous or anxious, but being forgiving of your own vulnerability and moving forward in spite of your nerves.
‘Believe you can and you’re halfway there’ – Theodore Roosevelt
HOW TO BUILD CONFIDENCE FROM THE INSIDE OUT
Exploring the reasons behind self-doubt and reframing negative beliefs can create a more secure base on which to build confidence. Try these three ideas for how to go about it:
1 FIND WHAT’S REALLY HOLDING YOU BACK
Marianne suggests thinking about something you’d love to achieve. ‘Pay attention to any thoughts, feelings, or beliefs that give you an indication of what might be holding you back,’ she says. If your goal is to enter an art competition, what comes to mind when you think about it? Do you fear you’re not good enough or that others are better? Or does it make you remember a time in the past when you didn’t succeed?
2 REFRAME NEGATIVE BELIEFS
If you think you aren’t good enough at something, is there an example of a time where you proved yourself wrong and excelled? Can other people around you, like family or friends, offer examples of your achievements?
3 BE KIND TO YOURSELF & KEEP GOING
Once you understand why you might not feel as confident as you’d like, you’ll probably find that it’s easier to be kind to yourself about any nerves or doubts that arise. Accept these feelings and, with support if you need it, see if you can gently push through them to give your goal a go.
WORDS: Caroline Butterwick
This article was originally published under the title Be Bold, Be You` in Issue 46 – In Your Own Time. You can get this issue here to enjoy more mindful inspiration.
