Building bonds with new step-siblings takes patience and consideration. Here are Teen Breathe’s practical ways to navigate blended family dynamics with kindness.
When a parent or guardian begins a new romantic relationship, there are usually changes to family life. Some of these are likely to be positive, while others might feel more difficult to manage.
It often means having to share your parent’s or guardian’s time more than you’ve been used to, as well as getting to know their new partner. For some, it might also involve having new step-siblings and perhaps sharing a home with them.
It’s a big upheaval, and though it’s natural to worry about transitions like these, it helps to remind yourself that change isn’t always terrible and the new situation won’t feel strange and unusual forever.
That’s not to say your feelings aren’t valid or normal though. Many families find themselves being brought together by these sorts of changes and it can be a stressful time. While you adjust, being mindful of your own needs and those of your new step-siblings is key. There are some constructive strategies you can use to make the most of the situation (see overleaf) and ensure that it becomes as good an experience as possible.
It’s also useful to consider that it’s very likely your step-siblings will be experiencing the same sorts of concerns and emotions as you are, which might be something you eventually bond over. In the meantime, it’s a case of creating a set of tools to help with the most challenging times, being kind to yourself and to new family members, and taking one day at a time.
How to adjust to a blended family
Lucy Bailey is the founder of a charity that focuses on youth mental health. Here are her suggestions to help navigate becoming part of a blended family:
1 Take time to build new connections
It will take time for you to become comfortable with your new step-siblings – and them with you. There may be moments when you want to withdraw from the new dynamic, but the more you can engage with your new family members, the more in control you’re likely to feel. Getting to know each other is a slow process, so baby steps are important here. Listen to the points of view of your new family members. Respect their needs, worries, and privacy, just as you’d like them to respect yours.
2 Focus on the positives
It’s easy to notice what’s wrong, but try to actively look for the good in others and your new situation. Make a conscious effort to become aware of the plus sides of your expanded family. Your first reaction might be to focus on the challenges, but find the time and space to rethink your approach.
If you’re an only child, having step-siblings could be fun. If you have sisters and you’re gaining a step-brother, that’s a relationship you’d have missed out on if this change hadn’t happened.
3 Use a journal to reflect & grow
Keep a journal of ‘good things’, either about yourself, your step-siblings, or the current situation. Seeing the positives in black and white will reinforce them in your mind. If tricky situations arise, turning to your notes might lead to solutions that you haven’t thought of before or remind you of what worked well the last time.
Your journal could be your best friend while you’re adjusting to the change.
4 Prioritise your own wellbeing
Know what makes you experience positive emotions and build these experiences into each day. Do you like to read? Try to spend some time alone with your favourite book. If you like to sketch, ask your parent or guardian for help setting up your own mini-studio, somewhere you can work undisturbed for a while.
It’s important to have a little time for yourself each day. It’ll refresh you and build resilience for managing any setbacks with your siblings.
5 Practice kindness & understanding
Most people are trying to do their best in the world, so wherever possible, think of yourself and others with as much kindness as you can. You may find yourself in some awkward circumstances with your new step-siblings, but being sympathetic and warm-hearted will go a long way to resolving any problems. Even if it doesn’t work every time, you’ll know that you did your best. Sometimes that’s all you can do. Being kind to yourself is hugely important, too.
6 Reach out for support when you need it
Above all, it’s vital to keep talking to your parent or guardian about how you’re feeling and to let them know as soon as a problem crops up. That way, any difficulties can be dealt with as they arise and there won’t be any lingering grudges getting in the way of your new family dynamic. It can also be helpful to talk to friends who’ve been in a similar situation, or to confide in a teacher or school counsellor who’ll be able to offer extra support if you need it.
This article was originally published under the title Blended With Love in Issue 42 – In the Feels. You can get this issue here to enjoy more mindful inspiration.
