Making your mind up can be a difficult skill to hone. Here’s how to make a good (enough) decision.
A friend asks you what you want to do this weekend and reels off loads of suggestions. Maybe something jumps out at you or perhaps you freeze up, not sure which activity to choose. You keep switching between the options, torn about which to go for and feeling stressed and frustrated.
Whether it’s everyday matters like this, or big life choices such as which subjects to take at school, decision-making can be hard. The act of choosing one thing over another often means having to balance contradictory considerations. And even when you do finally settle on something, you might find that you ruminate for a long time afterwards over whether you made the right decision after all.
‘Sometimes, making decisions can feel stressful and this might be for a variety of reasons,’ says Marianne Trent, a clinical psychologist. For example, she explains how it’s common for people to feel anxious about considering their options when most decisions in the past have been made for them. ‘Sometimes, parents and caregivers might have taken control in a way that hasn’t empowered you to develop these skills for yourself,’ she says. ‘This can make you feel a bit lost and not sure which way to turn.’
UNDERSTANDING DECISION FATIGUE
There’s also ‘decision fatigue’, which describes the feeling of overwhelm when you’re faced with constant choices – from what to wear and which cereal to eat, to what to do at lunchtime and which piece of homework to tackle first.
‘It’s said that, as modern humans, we’re faced with up to 35,000 decisions per day,’ says Marianne. ‘It’s totally understandable that it feels a bit tiring sometimes. It might be that when our mood is lower or we feel more anxious, or even where things all feel a bit “samey”, that it can be trickier to find the motivation to make choices.’
PUT YOUR CHOICE INTO PERSPECTIVE
‘Anxiety and perfectionism can massively impact our decision-making because our brain can get stuck in cycles of trying to plan and predict either good or bad outcomes for a variety of choices,’ says Marianne. You might find you switch between the different options, worried about getting it wrong.
If this sounds familiar, Marianne suggests asking yourself: ‘Will this matter tomorrow or in a week, month, year, or five years?’ This can inform how much time and consideration might be reasonable to put into your decision.
For example, Marianne explains that if the choice is between apple or orange juice, it would be reasonable to assume this won’t matter even once breakfast is finished, so it’s not worth spending too much time on it.
If it’s about choosing which subjects to study, however, it’s likely that this will matter in years to come. In this case, giving it more thought, doing some research, and consulting people you trust would be a good idea.
You may find you worry about making the so-called right choice, even with small decisions. But often there are many acceptable options and, ultimately, there’s usually more than one positive outcome.
Decision-making generally gets easier with practice. The more you do it, the better you feel about it the next time. So try to take the pressure off in whatever ways you can.
FIVE WAYS TO MAKE CHOOSING EASIER
Try these five ideas to lighten the decision-making load…
1 Aim for “good enough” over perfect
‘It can be useful to hold on to the mantra that “done is better than perfect”,’ says Marianne. ‘We don’t need to strive for 100 percent all the time. This can be wonderfully liberating when it comes to letting go of perfectionistic traits that no longer serve you.’
2 Limit your daily decisions
Reducing the number of decisions you make in a day can help ease decision fatigue and save energy for focusing on more important choices. Some people find it helps to have set outfits for each day of the week, for example, or to schedule things like homework or social events in advance, so they don’t have to decide what to do on the day.
3 Take a break and reset
‘If you’re really struggling to make a decision, sometimes stepping back and doing something totally different, like going for a walk, taking a shower, or doing some art, a puzzle or a crossword can be helpful,’ suggests
Marianne. ‘Our brains will often keep working on problems, even when we don’t actively realise it. And sometimes, in the middle of an unrelated activity, we might suddenly come up with the solution.’
4 Talk it through with someone you trust
For bigger decisions, it can help to discuss them with people you trust. They can help you think it through and weigh up your options. Sometimes, though, asking too many people can make things more complicated, especially if everyone has conflicting views. Try to speak to the people who usually help you work through your own ideas, or are best placed to give guidance on the subject you’re considering.
5 Ask for help if it’s too much
‘Don’t sweat it,’ Marianne emphasises. ‘If the burden of decisions is feeling suffocating and impacting upon your wellbeing, reach out to your GP, a guardian, or school counsellor.’
WORDS: CAROLINE BUTTERWICK
ILLUSTRATIONS: MAGGIE STEPHENSON
This article was originally published under the title The Choice is Yours in Issue 45 – Lead the Way. You can get this issue here to enjoy more mindful inspiration.
