Deciding whether to include new people in pre-existing plans can be complicated. Here’s how to work out what’s for the best.
It can feel awkward when someone else wants to be included in plans you’ve made with others. Luckily, there are ways to resolve things smoothly and sensitively…
EXAMINE YOUR FEELINGS
This can mean asking yourself why a request feels difficult to accommodate. Is it that you feel overwhelmed in larger groups? Are you worried you’ll have to do all the talking or that others won’t appreciate the extra guest? Clarifying what the barriers are to including someone might help you work around them.
KNOW THE LIMITS
There might be some events where it’s not up to you to write the guest list. One rule of thumb might be to say a polite but firm ‘no’ if it’s a get-together that someone else has planned. And it’s worth speaking to the organiser if the event has been paid for on your behalf, like a birthday treat organised by a parent or guardian.
TEST THE WATERS
If you’d like to invite an extra guest to a pre-arranged get-together, check in with the others who’ll be there to see how they feel about it.
HOLD THE LINE
If someone can’t be included and they’re making you feel bad about it, remember that being told you can’t join in can bring up negative feelings. It’s OK to stick to your boundaries once a decision’s been made, though, as long as you’re understanding about how they feel.
OFFER REASSURANCE
Suggesting an alternative plan shows that you want to spend time with someone. Perhaps saying something like: ‘I know you’d really like to join in, but I’m struggling with it a little because [doing the activity] as planned feels important to me. Would you be up for meeting a different day instead?’
WORDS: LIZZIE BESTOW
ILLUSTRATIONS: PHILIPPA COULES
This article was originally published under the title The Guest-list Dilemma in Issue 44 – With the Flow. You can get this issue here to enjoy more mindful inspiration.
