What to do when a friend gets something new, leaving you feeling left out.
Perhaps you recognise the following scenario: you’re meeting up with a friend, excited to catch up on the week and looking forward to sharing your news or planning an outing together. But before you can get a word in, your friend passes you something and excitedly announces: ‘Look what I’ve got!’
All other topics of conversation fall away and you spend the whole time listening to detailed descriptions of the features of their new phone.
You should probably be feeling happy for them. Instead, a host of uncomfortable feelings arise.
Situations like these are tricky, but looking closely at what you’re experiencing – as well as why – can make them more manageable.
‘It’s important to remember that feeling jealous doesn’t make you a bad friend’
Top tips for taking friends’ new things in your stride:
ACKNOWLEDGE THE EMOTION
Catherine says: ‘It takes a brave person to recognise the envy within.’ Once you’ve recognised these challenging feelings, try sitting with them for a while (see ‘In the feels’ in Teen Breathe Issue 42).
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
Some people feel ashamed of not simply being happy for a friend, but it’s a normal human reaction. Reciting positive affirmations can help. You might want to try: ‘I’m feeling jealous of my friend, but that’s OK. This feeling will pass.’
GO BENEATH THE SURFACE
If you’re struggling to connect with a friend over their new possession, look beyond the object itself and see if you can share in their excitement about how it makes them feel.
BE PATIENT
Novelty is short-lived. Your friend’s interest in their new purchase will wane and the balance of conversation will soon return to normal.
REACH OUT
If you’re frequently comparing yourself to others and finding it difficult to cope with those feelings, talk to a friend or trusted adult.
Sharing your discomfort can often help you shift your perspective and allow you to see things in a new way.
WORDS: LIZZIE BESTOW
This article was originally published under the title New With You in Issue 43 – Finding Your Brave. You can get this issue here to enjoy more mindful inspiration.
