Pranks and challenges might seem like harmless fun, but dares have consequences
Daring people to do things can feel like an exciting way to pass the time. The popularity of the game ‘Truth or dare’ (where players choose between admitting to something embarrassing or accepting a risky challenge) is testament to that. But sometimes what starts out as a harmless thrill can turn into something hurtful or even unsafe. Understanding the difference means that things stay fun for everyone.
What’s the appeal?
Some dares involve trying out a dangerous stunt, while others mean playing a prank on someone. Both seem like they’re designed to make people feel nervous or uncomfortable. So why does anyone take part in them? Humans are drawn to taking risks because of the potential rewards. This is why so many people enjoy high-stakes activities like skydiving or bungee jumping.
Those accepting a dare could also just be trying to bond with friends, says Roma, a therapist and former teacher: ‘Individuals might want validation from peers or to find a sense of belonging. Perhaps it might cement their status within a group.’
If everyone you’re with has carried out a dare, you may think that you need to as well, to feel part of the group. Issuing the challenge has understandable appeal, too – having others follow your instructions can make you feel powerful.
Why it’s hard to say no
Refusing a dare can feel awkward, as peer pressure is so often compelling. If you’ve ever accepted a dare, that’s perfectly normal. It’s not always an easy situation to deal with, but there are ways to say no if you want to. Roma believes that the younger the person, the trickier it is to resist: ‘It’s difficult to recognise the possible outcomes, such as feeling guilt or shame or getting into trouble, without having experienced them. There’s also the chance they may not truly understand what they’re agreeing to.’
Viral dares
Social media messages encouraging you to complete a series of embarrassing challenges – and then pass the message on to a friend – are known as ‘viral dares’. This trend adds another uninvited layer of decision-making, namely whether you pass the dare – and the pressure – onto others. Before hitting ‘forward’, stop and think. You didn’t want to have to deal with this problem, so why will anyone else? Reflect on how the message might make others feel.
Real people. real feelings
Online and phone dares, such as prank calls, add a layer of separation between you and the person on the receiving end. It’s worth remembering, though, that there’s a human being there. Dares are designed to entertain onlookers but can end up hurting people’s feelings.
Think outside the box
If you receive a text that feels out of the blue or experience any real-life behaviour that seems out of character, consider whether it might be a dare. It’s nothing to feel embarrassed about if you’ve been duped in the past. Remember that plenty of adults get caught out by scammers when they receive a message or call that seems genuine – it’s natural and healthy to be trusting of others, so it’s OK if you don’t realise immediately. Whichever side of the game you’re on, staying true to your values is often the wisest approach. Having friends who respect what you’re comfortable with is more important than trying to fit in, and being clear about your limits could encourage others to consider and stick to their boundaries, too.
Dare you not
How to handle stunts that make you feel uncomfortable.
- Trust your instincts
‘If you feel uneasy, then that’s your gut talking to you,’ says Roma. ‘Listen to it. Would you rather not do the dare? Lean into that feeling. Find a way to enforce your own boundaries.’ - Just say no
Roma suggests it’s helpful to practise saying no confidently. Something simple such as ‘Oh no, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that’ is often all it takes. - Say how it feels
If someone’s carried out a dare that’s hurt your feelings, letting them know its impact helps them to understand the consequences of their actions. - Buy time
If you’re trying to figure out whether someone’s playing a prank, ask questions to get to the bottom of any uncharacteristic behaviour. If you receive a message that you suspect is part of a dare, simply not replying right away takes away the fun for those waiting to see your reaction. - Tell an adult
If you feel a dare has gone too far, whichever end of the prank you’re on, it makes sense to tell a trusted adult so they can support you
