Staying away from home without any members of the family can be daunting, but there are ways to soothe overnight nerves. Discover comforting strategies that can help turn early sleepover jitters into peaceful, fun-filled stays.
School trips that include an overnight stay and sleepovers at friends’ houses are often some of the most exciting experiences of childhood. They’re opportunities to forge deeper friendships and create lifelong memories.
Even so, being away from home for the first time can feel daunting and bring a sense of discomfort. Understanding why feelings like these might arise can help make it less unnerving, however. And there are many practical ways to make staying away a little easier.
WHY SLEEPOVERS CAUSE MIXED EMOTIONS
There are several reasons why the thought of being away from home might cause uneasiness. One of those is something called ‘separation anxiety’. This term is usually used to refer to the distress that babies and toddlers feel when separated from a parent or their main caregiver.
Being away from family members overnight, when you’re used to falling asleep knowing they’re nearby, can stir up these feelings once again. It’s completely natural to have reservations the first few times you do it.
School counsellor Balbir Bansi says nerves are part of the process: ‘You might think it’s negative to have some worries, but new experiences often bring with them a mixture of emotions.’
ACCEPTING SLEEPOVER ANXIETY
Some nerves might be about how you’ll react when you’re away from the comfort of home. Balbir says that while it’s normal to experience homesickness, the fear of the feeling shouldn’t stand in your way.
‘A lot of the greatest adventures in life happen on the other side of fear, so accepting that you may have these emotions, but knowing they’re temporary, can allow you to move past them and enjoy your time away.’
DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT FEELINGS
The anticipation before a sleepover or trip often equals a lot of excitement among friends. This might give the impression that you’re the only one feeling apprehensive, but the chances are that others are nervous too.
Of course, there will be friends who are relaxed about sleepovers, but this doesn’t mean everyone has to be at ease with them – or even like them. In fact, there are people of all ages who’ll tell you they’d much rather go home after a get-together and wake up in their own bed.
Luckily, there are ways to manage feelings of homesickness and strategies to help you deal with any awkward situations while you’re away (see overleaf). These might include practical issues, like who you’ll be sharing a room with and whether they’ll want to stay up later than you, to emotional ones, such as wondering if you’ll feel left out.
YOU’RE NOT ALONE IN THIS
Balbir says it’s worth remembering that everyone’s in the same boat and probably has their own list of worries: ‘Many people are often too busy thinking of themselves to be paying close attention to what you’re doing.
‘Also, if you’re at a sleepover with friends… they probably know you fairly well already, so they won’t be surprised or put off by anything you do.’
If the nerves are still there, you could try confiding in a trusted friend. This will be bonding for you both and gives your friend a chance to air their own thoughts too.
When you feel ready to make this next step, embrace the experience and have a wonderful time.
TIPS TO FEEL CALMER ABOUT SLEEPOVERS
Take the stress out of sleepovers:
1 START WITH SMALL STAYS
If going away with a big group for several days feels overwhelming, consider starting small. Balbir suggests staying at the home of a friend or cousin with whom you feel particularly comfortable.
2 HAVE A PLAN OF ACTION
It’s a good idea to create a plan with a parent or guardian before you leave – that might be deciding which adult to talk to if there are any problems and how you’re going to call home if you need to. ‘A parent will be able to let you know what to do if you need to go home and will be able to speak to the teacher or parent you’re staying with to make them aware you might not be totally confident,’ says Balbir.
3 LET FEELINGS COME & GO
Overcoming uncomfortable emotions can lead to enjoyable experiences. ‘Feelings such as homesickness or worry usually pass with time or distraction,’ Balbir says. ‘Allowing yourself to sit with emotions without judgement and knowing they’re temporary can help you ride out any hard moments.’
4 ONLY GO WHEN YOU’RE TRULY READY
Despite there being many ways to cope with uneasiness, it’s always good to remember that if you don’t feel ready to stay away from home, the choice is usually yours. Pressure from others can make it seem like you’re falling behind if you don’t make the leap, but everyone has their own pace, so if you’re not ready right now, it’s OK to wait until the time is right for you.
Nerves are normal, but if you ever feel uncomfortable about a situation while you’re away from home, tell a trusted adult.
WORDS: Kim Bansi
ILLUSTRATIONS: Erin Hung
This article was originally published under the title The Sleepover Fix in Issue 46 – In Your Own Time. You can get this issue here to enjoy more mindful inspiration.
