Asking why we feel jealous can help us see what’s truly important. Learn how to turn feelings of envy into a map for uncovering wisdom with our bonus Make Your Own Map downloadable activity.
If you were to think about times you’ve felt jealous, there’s a good chance you’d find yourself confronting awkward memories and negative feelings. These might range from mild embarrassment to acute shame and anger.
Jealousy tends to be seen as a bad thing, but it also has a positive side. Creativity teacher Julia Cameron suggests it can be used as a signpost to point people in the direction of their dreams.
Let’s see how this works.
How jealousy can guide you to your goals
A map is a helpful tool for finding out how to reach a particular location. If you know your destination, you can orient yourself towards it and find your way there. In a similar way, jealousy acts like a marker for where you’re aiming to get to.
It’s impossible to miss. It stands out boldly, like a large X showing where the treasure is buried.
Jealousy is easy to recognise because it’s usually linked to the way you feel about other people’s achievements, possessions, or lifestyle.
Once you know what kind of things make you envious, you can start exploring the meaning behind the feelings. As Julia says: ‘We prosper when we can find the wisdom in our jealousy and heed its advice.’
What jealousy reveals about your dreams
To understand this better, let’s use Mariana, Sophie, and Jayden as examples. Mariana likes to be in the spotlight. At the moment, she’s super-envious of her classmate, who landed the role Mariana wanted in the school play.
Sophie loves fashion and spending time with her best friend Abby. However, she feels resentment every time Abby shows up wearing a new outfit.
Jayden, meanwhile, has the heart of an adventurer but is stuck in his hometown. He gets upset when the family next door is off on yet another exciting trip.
On the outside, all three try to be supportive and look happy for their friends and neighbours, but they can’t seem to help the ‘bad’ feelings that spring up on the inside. Read on for how they might explore their envy.
Ask yourself ‘why?’ to uncover wisdom
An easy way to uncover the wisdom in feelings of envy is to ask one question: ‘Why?’
MARIANA asks herself: ‘Why did I want that role?’
Her answers:
- I wanted confirmation of my acting skills and for them to be acknowledged.
- It might have led to better roles in more important productions.
- It might have helped me get into a dramatic arts school later.
SOPHIE asks herself: ‘Why do my friend’s new clothes stir up such feelings in me?’
Her answers:
- I wish I could afford great clothes, too.
- I love fashion and I want what I wear to show something about me.
- I wish I knew how to sew, so I could make my own clothes.
JAYDEN asks himself: ‘Why am I so angry that my neighbours keep going on great trips?’
His answers:
- I wish I could go on exciting adventures, too.
- I want to learn about new places. If I could travel, I could write about the places I went to and start my own travel blog.
Turning jealousy into motivation
Questioning your jealous feelings in this way can lead to unexpected insights. Mariana has discovered that acting is more than a hobby for her. She already knew that she liked the attention and thrill of being on stage, but she’d never considered that she might like to go to drama school.
In Sophie’s case, not being able to afford as many new clothes as Abby had been a source of awkwardness in their friendship. Now she can see that learning to sew would be a fun way to solve this problem and allow her to express her love of fashion.
As for Jayden, even though he can’t travel widely yet, he’s identified a goal for the future. For now, he can develop his writing skills right where he is.
Next time you find yourself envying someone else, why not try to look at it as a marker that’s pinpointing your dreams? You might be amazed by where it takes you.
Ready to explore your feelings? Download the Make Your Own Map activity to follow our five-step exercise to identify any jealous feelings you might have and unearth their wisdom.
🗺️ DOWNLOAD THE BONUS MAKE YOUR OWN MAP ACTIVITY 🗺️
WORDS: Pacale Duguay
ILLUSTRATIONS: Phillippa Coules
This article was originally published under the title Exploring Envy in Issue 42 – In the Feels. You can get this issue here to enjoy more mindful inspiration.
