Sydney-based Amal is a journalist, screenwriter, author, and performer. She has contributed to ELLE, Frankie, Meanjin, and Junkee, among many others. Amal regularly appears as a public speaker at schools, universities, and writers’ festivals around Australia, and presents workshops on storytelling and creativity. She’s worked on several film and television projects and directed short films, with more projects on the way. And, of course, she’s written loads of books, including This Is How You Get Better and The Things We See in the Light as well as the non-fiction books Beyond Veiled Clichés: The Real Lives of Arab Women and In My Past Life I Was Cleopatra. She has also contributed to the anthologies Growing Up Muslim in Australia: Coming of Age and Some Girls Do… (My Life as a Teenager).
Amal,
Right now, I know what you’re worried about: you’re trying to identify completely as an Arab-Muslim girl when you don’t always understand or like what that means for you. You’re surrounded by people who don’t have to think about the things you have to: how short is too short on a skirt; wearing a swimsuit in public; dating – hell, even talking to – boys. I mean, your parents don’t even let you go to the movies or concerts much (though you’ll eventually start overdosing on those post-high school). Don’t worry, life won’t always be so PG!
Still, I’m not going to sugar-coat it; you’re a major people-pleaser and afraid of anyone being upset with you, so you’re going to try to be the perfect daughter/ sister/friend. And at 18, you’ll give in and do a degree that you think you should do, rather than the one you really want to. You do law, even though you got the marks to do communications, which temporarily subdues the Lois Lane vibes emanating from your very soul. The good news is that, despite a few off -track adventures, you get there. Eventually you ditch the law for editing, then writing, and everything changes. Excitement!
While undertaking Serious Journalism, you realise that you have a VOICE, and experiences that you want to share, often in a humorous way. Some of these stories are about your upbringing. You can laugh at the identity stuff, but know that none of that defines you and your words will run deeper. You’ll talk about other things.
You have a lot of beliefs right now, and you’re leaning into a lot of things that ultimately won’t suit you. None of these are mistakes, they’re (often steep) learning curves. It’s all helpful – actually, crucial. Don’t feel bad about any of it; allow yourself some brief regret if you have to, but don’t settle in with the ‘should have’ vibes for too long. You do what you do because it’s where you’re at. It’s what feels right.
What’s going to help navigate all of this are the following, in no particular order:
MUSIC. Listen to it. It’s going to give you the soundtracks you need for different times in your life. You will definitely find it useful when you start writing books. Music is a mood.
BOOKS. Obviously. You’ve always been a keen reader. That doesn’t change. In fact, in your 20s, you’ll become more of an introvert, and read like it’s going out of fashion. None of it is time wasted. Think of it as your education because eventually you’ll be writing quite a few books of your own.
FILM/TV. Similar to books, it’s not just entertainment for you, it’s education and inspiration. Pay attention to what you like watching (and reading) because they point to what you are good at and interested in yourself. You’ll even end up on film sets one day(!).
CLOTHING. I don’t know what to tell you. You have body concerns like so many, and hang-ups about how much skin to show. So, you make some *cough* interesting fashion choices. It’s not your strength but sometimes you find your flow, especially if glittery metallic threads are involved.
SPIRITUALITY. You experiment, you question, you seek. It’s very important that you do this because it breaks open your world and your understanding of life. Meditation is a game changer.
CONNECTION. The friends you met in kindergarten are still in your life… seriously. How awesome is that? You will find new ones and lose some along the way. It happens. Don’t take it personally. As we grow, we outgrow. And yes, you’ll eventually get to know guys and learn about yourself and love through those experiences, too.
Finally, I’m not here to stop you from doing what you’re going to do, BUT tone down the fear and anxiety a notch. When you’re done making yourself feel small and like you can’t have what you really want in life – or that you shouldn’t want those things, period – you’ll have more fun. You won’t care so much about what others think because you know yourself. Trust me, you’ve got this.
With so much love,
Your older self
