We asked Chloé Hayden to connect with her childhood, reflect on her teen years, and write a heartfelt letter offering advice and support to her 15-year-old self
An actor, content creator, disability rights activist, motivational speaker, and now author – Chloé Hayden is paving the way for more acceptance and celebration of neurodivergence. She’s just released her first book, Different, Not Less, a moving story of how it feels to be neurodivergent as well as a guide to embracing your true self. At the heart of all she does is her passion for creating change, celebrating diversity, and pushing towards a better future.
Hey, Clo
Life’s a bit funny at the moment, hey? Everything’s feeling a bit too bright, a bit too loud, a bit too constant. It seems that with each passing day, the world and everything that comes with it is making less and less sense, and that we are more and more distant from it.
The other kids at school are making fun of you, your teachers don’t understand you, and friendship is hard. People say things that they don’t mean, and mean things that they don’t say (and yet, people think we’re the weird ones).
It feels like the world is crashing down around you, and that the easiest thing to do is to let it eat you up.
I know it’s scary. I know the world feels too much, I know you feel like you’ve fallen so deep into a hole that’s impossible to climb out of, that it feels like it’s never going to make sense. You have such a love for fairy tales, for Disney movies, and are wondering when your very own fairy tale is about to begin, leaving the window cracked open every night on the off chance that Peter Pan will come and take you back to Neverland.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret: your fairy tale has already begun; you are about to embark on the most wonderful adventure, and you are going to have the most beautiful Happily Ever After.
In a couple of years, you’re going to get a diagnosis. This is going to feel like a bump in your road, but this is simply the beginning of the valiant adventure stage of your journey. You’re going to sit in a doctor’s office, and they’re going to do a lot of tests, and ask you a lot of questions, and they’re going to tell you a word that explains why your brain works the way it does. They’re going to say you’re autistic. And it’s going to be scary at first. Perhaps because they’ve decided to use the term ‘diagnosis’ to merely describe that your brain works differently to how other brains work… You’re going to read some scary articles, and you’re going to wonder why this has happened to you.
But then you’re going to start writing, and you’re going to share your story online, and you’re going to find so, so many more people who are exactly like you. Where your differences are celebrated, where the world makes sense. Soon, those little online journal entries are going to change your life in more ways than you can possibly understand right now.
Every single one of your dreams comes true Coco (you become the lead actor in a Netflix series, you’re a professional cowboy, you’ve found your people… Oh, and you’ve met One Direction multiple times. It’s OK, you can scream).
You don’t have to worry about finding your place in this world, Clo. Because you’re going to create your own.
Before I go, I know we like lists. Lists are good. So, in list format, here are some things that are instrumental for you to know:
- The people who love you for you will come along. And they’re not going to come in the form of mean teenagers in your school who think it’s funny to tease you about who you are, or pretend to be your friend so they can look like a hero. Your people are going to love you so, so much. You deserve unconditional love. Don’t let anyone into your heart who isn’t worthy of it.
- Find the things that make you happy. Focus on the things you love, and stop trying to fit a mould that you were never designed to fit. We are never going to be like everyone else, so stop giving up your precious time to try. Life is too short to be anything other than the incredible person you were created to be.
- There are always going to be things that you struggle with. Maths is never going to get any easier, people are always going to be confusing, and the world is still going to feel too much most days. That’s okay, because our superpowers far outweigh our struggles; focus on them.
- Your difference is going to change the world someday. I promise you. Never let anyone take that difference from you, never let anyone tell you that you need to change, to conform, to be any different than who you are supposed to be… especially you.
- It’s OK to close the window, Coco. Peter Pan doesn’t need to come and rescue us, we’ve created our own fairy tale down here. I cannot wait for you to experience it.
Love and pixie dust,
Chloé
