People use clothes and accessories to present themselves in a personal way - and doing so can increase your confidence.
The clothes you wear, the shoes you choose, and how you style your hair are all great ways to make a statement about who you are and influence how you’re viewed. But pressure from friends, society, and social media – plus a natural desire to fit in – all combine to stifle individuality at times. If you’re feeling under scrutiny, here are some ways to embrace your personal style – and everyone else’s.
YOU DO YOU
People express themselves through their appearance. Whether it’s ripped jeans with Doc Martens or a bright sparkly dress and a bold brow, your choices reflect how you see yourself and how you want the world to see you. As people move towards adulthood, their tastes can change with the seasons. This process is an important part of working out who you are and who you want to be. One day your wardrobe might be bursting with vintage tees and bike shorts. A month later, it could be full of crochet tops and floral flares.
This urge to experiment comes just as many people are feeling most self-conscious about how they look. Personality is often imprinted on every item you wear, so it can seem as though your shoes, your jewellery, and even the bag you carry say a lot about you.
When it comes to fashion choices, expressing yourself and respecting others is the only style guide you’ll ever need.
DRESSING TO IMPRESS
Sometimes people dress to please others, rather than themselves. This happens because humans have evolved to seek social acceptance. As they transition into adulthood, people can feel particularly judged on how they look – not only by friends, family, and peers, but also social media and society in general. This might be felt even more acutely by anyone whose style doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes or current trends. Feelings of not ‘fitting in’ can send self-esteem into a downward spiral.
‘We all want to be uniquely ourselves, and at the same time fit in,’ says child psychologist Kim McCabe, author of From Daughter To Woman and founder of mentoring organisation Rites for Girls. Choosing how you look is part of that. ‘Everyone feels pressure to follow group fashion, while also putting an individual stamp on it,’ continues Kim. ‘Just take care not to give too much weight to what others think, at the expense of dressing how you like.’
MIRROR, MIRROR
Wanting to dress the same as friends (or swap and share clothes) is normal. When people copy each other’s clothes and accessories – or even adopt the same mannerisms – they are affirming their friends’ choices and confirming the connection between them. It’s a way of saying ‘I trust you’ and ‘I want to be seen to be like you’. But sometimes people get deliberately left out – either as punishment for not conforming or for trying too hard to look like everybody else. ‘We copy each other as a direct result of the need we all have to be part of a tribe,’ says Veronique, a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist. ‘Our primitive brain – which is amazing and helps us survive – can also cause anxiety and the need for reassurance that we’re not alone. Teenagers copy each other’s style to guarantee their place in the group.’
FINDING YOUR OWN FLAIR
Although wanting to fit in is normal, copying others is the opposite of personal style. So focus on wearing what suits you. When an outfit feels just right, it can boost you to superhero levels of confidence. While being different is a good thing, it’s not always easy – so it’s natural to worry if you go for a new look. Although stepping away from the herd might seem unnerving at first, finding your own style will ultimately bolster self-esteem and build a better sense of who you are.
‘Enjoy experimenting with how you look but don’t forget to give just as much attention to how you are on the inside,’ says Kim. ‘If you’re not happy, changing how you look isn’t going to fix that. Instead, practise looking at yourself with kind eyes and seek out people and experiences that truly make you feel good.’
Everyone feels more comfortable when they are free to be themselves. Complimenting people on their own choices – rather than criticising them – might help others feel confident enough to find their personal style, too. What’s on the outside is part of the package, of course. But accepting and appreciating individuality makes everyone feel better about themselves, and each other.
Kindness is always in fashion
CELEBRATE YOUR STYLE
- START SMALL. It doesn’t take much to express your individuality. Begin with something low-key, like statement sunglasses, a quirky tote bag, or just some bolder jewellery.
- GOOD VIBES ONLY. View your outfit with a positive outlook and watch your self-confidence bloom.
- TAKE THE LEAD. Don’t feel you have to follow trends. It feels empowering to be the first to introduce something new.
- GIVE (AND RECEIVE) COMPLIMENTS. Perk your friends up with daily words of genuine praise. Then be prepared to accept a few in return, too.
- STAY TRUE TO YOU. Whatever you wear, the only approval you really need is your own
This story was originally published in Teen Breathe Issue 34 (page 58) with the title: Dress to express
